My New Bike

This is the first legitimate post here, taking the place of annoying emails with which I used to pester all of you. For those of you who actually made it this far, I congratulate you on being dedicated and incredibly flattering. I'll try and bring you a gift from China, if I survive long enough to make it back.
The reason I have my doubts as to my personal safety are not many, in fact there is only one. I recently acquired a bike. For those of you who are acquainted with the more cheap side of my personality you will no doubt be surprised. However, you should not be. My bike was free. I can here your sigh of relief--almost thought I had become one of those people who actually spends money! What a joke.
Instead, I was lucky enough to make the connection with a journalism student here by the name of Ted. (He has a blog which is interesting, although I haven't spent too much time looking at it: http://tedmeinhover.com ). He, unlike me is tall. This is no problem in normal countries, but in China every bike you purchase is mostly designed for people who are less than five feet tall. If you can imagine the six-foot plus tall Ted attempting to ride a child's bike, you may soon understand why he gave it to me for free. I find his bike fits me quite well.
You may at this point begin to understand how my life has become imperiled--traffic in China involves death, death and more accidents. But these are in my imagination merely the least of my worries. Far more important than the native traffic of Kunming, is the native state of my bike. The bike's stature was not the only aspect which prompted Ted to relinquish ownership so freely. The brakes, if indeed two such worn pads of rubber can be called by such a name, only work on the front tire. I did notice that the back tire also possessed brakes, but at some point before giving the bike to me, Ted must have found himself on a steep hill for the back brake handle has been broken off, leaving a sharp stub of metal to be grasped if one desires to utilize the back brakes.
Also, unlike many of the bikes in China, my new bike possesses many gears. There are in total, 21--I counted them. Unfortunately those which can be used are not quite so plentiful. Actually only one works--it's the 11th gear. I am not inclined to blame the gears so much as the gear changing mechanism. I found out in an unpleasant manner that it only goes down. If you wish to shift up in gears, you have to dismount and move the chain with your hands to the desired gear. This generally is not worth the trouble. So after fixing my new bike in the 11th gear, I refrain from shifting.
But enough about my new bike, I'm sure, since you are my dedicated public, you'd love to hear about my adventures on this new bike. Aside from several dozen instances of nearly being run over by vehicles of various sizes, most of my adventures consist of breathing in carbon monoxide. They are not interesting. However, I have learned many new things about the laws of the road in China. First of all, going the wrong way in a lane is acceptable as long as it is the easiest way for you to get from point A to point B. Also as far as right of way goes, those who can take right of way, generally have the right to it.
I do imagine that I cut quite a dashing figure on the streets as I am biking--my hair generally creates a weather system behind me, affecting wind currents and humidity levels--and since the options for clothing myself are not numerous, I generally find that I wear those things which might have been fashionable to bike in some forty-seven years ago. Also, I have established that biking in flip-flops, while possible, is not to be recommended.
I'll will keep you posted as to my first accident, not sparing any of the gory details when it occurs.
Phil.